Fear

Today was hard. I had watched a movie 2 days ago about a flying trapeze accident in which the female flyer takes a bad return bar and flies out of the net, to the side and lands on her head. I was going to catch today and I got scared. I said, I don't want to go to catch. Then we took a break and I went up again, this time I said: I go to catch but I don't want a return bar. I will just practice the return from the catcher, going to the net (clam for right now). And after a few tries I got the return bar and went for it.
It was hard though. It was hard to make myself do it. It was hard to make myself go to catch. My friend Carol told me: just do it, it will feel easier afterwards. I figured going to catch with a gazelle (one leg knee hang) is basically like bridging it, going from bar to bar with no air time.
It really hit me though. How I still have this illogical fear of height. How an image on my retina can cause me to fear the return. So I started reading about it, they say it is really hard to fix. It is a lot about desensitization which I am doing every day I go up, and about breathing exercises and cognitive therapy etc.
I can't wait for Dylan to come here and hold his "skills to the net" workshop. To feel liberated, and hopefully confident and able to go to the net better. I would never want to miss the net though. There is still that thought.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:any high location

Failure versus Success

I don't know what failure is exactly, or success, but for the sake of argument,
I am saying that failure is not achieving your goal, and success is achieving your goal.
My flying trapeze goal has been very small these last 2 months. My goal has been to return to the board.
My favorite trick in the world is the layout but I am not always high and it's hard to get good return bars on a layout cause it comes back really low.
So I had been doing my splits, which I hate (for many reasons.
1. that I couldn't get into them during a performance and
2. cause I hit my toe on the steel bar many times to make the nail brake and bleed &
3. cause I don't take it to the net and we catch out of safety lines here so I don't want to go to the net in a position I don't do.)
Instead I started doing the "gazelle", potentially the most gorgeous looking easy trick there is in the world, for a woman, especially with long legs. And it's an easier trick to get return bars and good returns.
Eventually I got to the point where I made it back to the board and my goal was accomplished, so success.
But 2 days after

I decided to throw layouts instead cause they are still my favorite trick, and now I am faced with failure again.

In the end I have succeed, and what I did learn is that I have to work harder.
As simple as that. My old couch was right all the time when he was screaming at me: "harder, faster, stronger"
and we should include "tighter"
Here are 2 videos. In the first one I made it back to the board with my gazelle. In the second

one I am loose and low in my layout return and don't make it back.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Tierra Rejada Rd,Moorpark,United States