Fear

Today was hard. I had watched a movie 2 days ago about a flying trapeze accident in which the female flyer takes a bad return bar and flies out of the net, to the side and lands on her head. I was going to catch today and I got scared. I said, I don't want to go to catch. Then we took a break and I went up again, this time I said: I go to catch but I don't want a return bar. I will just practice the return from the catcher, going to the net (clam for right now). And after a few tries I got the return bar and went for it.
It was hard though. It was hard to make myself do it. It was hard to make myself go to catch. My friend Carol told me: just do it, it will feel easier afterwards. I figured going to catch with a gazelle (one leg knee hang) is basically like bridging it, going from bar to bar with no air time.
It really hit me though. How I still have this illogical fear of height. How an image on my retina can cause me to fear the return. So I started reading about it, they say it is really hard to fix. It is a lot about desensitization which I am doing every day I go up, and about breathing exercises and cognitive therapy etc.
I can't wait for Dylan to come here and hold his "skills to the net" workshop. To feel liberated, and hopefully confident and able to go to the net better. I would never want to miss the net though. There is still that thought.


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Location:any high location